Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Panderers To The Left Of Me! Panderers To The Right!

Perhaps you've heard: Oil and gasoline prices are rather high. And no one really has a way to change that fact. Fortunately, though, our political class does have a method by which they hope to make me feel better about it: Pandering.

On the left, the Democratic congressional majority, in recent months, brought oil company executives before them for an utterly unilluminating inquisition. In an attempt to provide the illusion of doing something, both the House and Senate used those hapless execs, and the "evil corporations" they head, as verbal punching bags for a couple of days in the spring. And the end result? Nothing.

On the right, our Republican friends in congress have recently given us a new slogan: "Find more. Use less." In other words, drill and conserve. For people who supposedly cherish the "magic of the market," the GOP seems to have absolutely no grasp of market economics. Reduce demand? Sure. Makes sense. Unfortunately, though, the decreasing prices that would result from increased supply would, logically, serve as a perverse incentive against that goal.

Even The Decider, moron that he is, has likened our thirst for oil to the jones of an addict. So are Republicans telling us that the best way to wean a junkie off heroin is to supply him with even more heroin, at a cheaper price?

And candidate McCain's take on the high price of fuel? In a new campaign ad, he tells us that it's all Barack Obama's fault. (Wow! Obama has that kind of power? We'd better elect him President; if he gets pissed at us, there's no telling what kind of havoc he might wreak!)

I'm tired of being pandered to, from left, right and center. So why don't you all just shut up, go about the real business of governing, and stop the empty theatrics? And stop treating me like an idiot!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

"Lighten Up, Francis."




Recently had a little paintball excursion with some of the boys from work -- my first such foray into that activity. It was, I must say, a great deal of fun. And, appropriately, that was the focus of it: fun.


I did have the misfortune of witnessing a few members of other parties on that lovely June morning, persons who took themselves far too seriously. Like they were freakin' G.I. Joe or somethin', for the love of Pete! Like they thought they were the Patton of the North Woods.


Tell you what, Billy Bo Bob Badass: If you really take it all that seriously and have such delusions of grandeur, there is a great place that you might want to check into; it's called the United States Army. I'm sure that they'd be glad to have you.


Otherwise, in the immortal words of Sargeant Hulka in Stripes: "Lighten up, Francis."

Friday, July 11, 2008

A Glimpse Into Republican Economic "Thought"

In the news: Top McCain economic advisor Phil Gramm has bestowed his "wisdom" upon us concerning the U.S. economy. The former Republican Senator and financial services lobbyist believes that our economic problems are all in our collective head, that we are a nation of whiners, that it's just a "mental recession."

Really, Mister Gramm? That makes me feel so much better!

The rising cost of food at the local grocery store? The falling sales of the company for which I work, and the corresponding cutbacks? The inflation of energy costs, both at the gas pump and the electric meter? Thank God, they're all hallucinations!

Or maybe there is a better, more rational explanation. Maybe Phil Gramm, like so many Republicans, lives in a flimsily-built, inside-the-beltway fantasy world, insulated from the hard realities of life by some combination of material wealth and irrationalism.

In a perfect world, some unemployed Rust Belt everyman would meet Gramm in a dark alley and beat the living piss out of him, with the same lack of mercy that he and his ilk have shown those of us who work for a living. Then we could assure him that the pains from his many contusions and broken bones, the blood issuing from his orifices, were merely figments of his imagination.

But I digress.

Ultimately, this kerfuffle merely serves to illustrate why we cannot afford a President John McCain. McCain himself has admitted that he knows little about economics (as an aside, one has to wonder why Johnny Boy, during 25-plus years in Congress, never bothered to learn much about the subject), and it shows: He has, in his campaign, simply fallen back on the standard Republican economic orthodoxy, leaning on the likes of Gramm for poor economic advice.

We are on the verge of a second Gilded Age. And this time, in this time of unreason, in this New Corporate Age, we cannot count upon a second Progressive Movement to save us from it.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

What Is A Sport?

Random thought of the day...

How does one define what is a sport, and what is not? This is the question that momentarily passed through my addled mind today. (As has been famously said about pornography, I'm not sure that I can define it, but I know it when I see it.)

To me, I guess, a sport involves the following:
A) A ball, puck, or other such object.
B) A goal over or through which either the ball/puck or a player must pass.
C) Esoteric rules that limit one's ability to reach that goal.
D) Other players trying to stop you from reaching that goal.
E) Scores kept of how many times that goal is reached.

So, using that definition, what activities can be considered sports? Well, there are the obvious ones:

1. Football (including Canadian, Arena and Australian Rules)
2. Basketball
3. Baseball (and its bastard children, Softball and Kickball)
4. Hockey
5. Lacrosse
6. Polo (and, by extension, Water Polo)
7. Cricket (Baseball's crazy cousin)
8. Rugby (Football's retarded cousin)

Then there are a couple of them that just barely make it:

9. Tennis (real and Table)
10. Soccer (because it's so damned boring)

And that's all I can think of. Anything else in the sporting world just seems more like an activity that involves, to a greater or lesser degree, some athletic ability. Golf? No defenders. Boxing? Wrestling? Not unless acting is also a sport. Nascar? No ball or puck, just rednecks turning left.

Any other suggestions out there?

Monday, July 7, 2008


Ooh, me so patriotic! Me liberate you long time!

The Age Of Corporate Pseudo-Rebellion Is Upon Us!

So, here I am, watching my beloved Twins in a tight game with the Red Sox (by the way, Delmon Young, if you're reading this, they are deliberately trying to get you to chase that first pitch that's out of the strike zone!), and on the ESPN hype machine comes an advertisement for the X Games. This commercial features a supposedly-evil, yet supposedly-status-quo, antagonist, decrying some X-Gaming douchebag named Brian Deegan. Apparently, Deegan is a motocross rebel who must be stopped if society is to survive!

Okay, so let's momentarily forget the fact that Brian Deegan is appearing in a commercial on a massive corporate entity like ESPN. Let's just examine the fact that Deegan makes his living by riding a little motorcycle and doing stunts. What does this tell us? It tells us that Mommy and Daddy Deegan made lots and lots of money, affording little Brian the opportunity (and health insurance) to, essentially, masturbate his life away. And that little Brian was more than happy to suckle at that teat until he found suckers stoned or stupid enough to watch him do his little tricks.

Sadly, this is what passes for "rebellion" in the New Corporate Age: "I'll be a secondary corporate whore until I have the chance to be a primary corporate whore."

'Nuff said.

Go Twins!

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Quick Pix On A Sunday Morning




Babies are awesome!
Here are a couple of photos from last week's family get-together: My lovely granddaughter Bailey ignoring the "Do Not Feed The Animals" sign, and my great niece Maura raising her arm in triumph. Have a great Sunday!

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Top 35 Albums Of The Last 25 Years - The REAL List

Okay, so Entertainment Weekly has released their "new classics" of the last twenty-five years. And, as usual, they hosed it up royally. For supposed arbiters of taste, they have so little taste! I mean, Beyonce, Mariah Carey and Shania Twain were in the top 25 albums, for the love of God!

So, without further ado, here are the actual top 35 albums of the last 25 years, from 35 to 1:



35 - The Marshall Mathers LP, Eminem, 2000
34 - Surfacing, Sarah McLachlan, 1997
33 - When It Falls, Zero 7, 2004
32 - Janet, Janet Jackson, 1994
31 - …Nothing Like The Sun, Sting, 1987
30 - Regulate… G Funk Era, Warren G, 1994
29 - The End Of The Innocence, Don Henley, 1989
28 - Come On, Come On, Mary Chapin Carpenter, 1992
27 - Diesel And Dust, Midnight Oil, 1987
26 - Oh Mercy, Bob Dylan, 1989
25 - Spike, Elvis Costello, 1989
24 - Crowded House, Crowded House, 1986
23 - Tunnel Of Love, Bruce Springsteen, 1987
22 - Mama Said Knock You Out, LL Cool J, 1990
21 - Green, R.E.M., 1988
20 - The Miseducation Of Lauryn Hill, Lauryn Hill, 1998
19 - Stunt, Barenaked Ladies, 1998
18 - Faith, George Michael, 1987
17 - (What’s The Story) Morning Glory?, Oasis, 1995
16 - The Joshua Tree, U2, 1987
15 - Time’s Up, Living Colour, 1990
14 - 3 Feet High And Rising, De La Soul, 1989
13 - Together Alone, Crowded House, 1993
12 - So, Peter Gabriel, 1986
11 - August And Everything After, Counting Crows, 1993
10 - Purple Rain, Prince and the Revolution, 1984
9 - Graceland, Paul Simon, 1986
8 - OK Computer, Radiohead, 1997
7 - Automatic For The People, R.E.M., 1992
6 - Ten, Pearl Jam, 1991
5 - It Takes A Nation Of Millions To Hold Us Back, Public Enemy, 1998
4 - Sign O’ The Times, Prince, 1987
3 - Try Whistling This, Neil Finn, 1998
2 - Exile In Guyville, Liz Phair, 1993

...and the number one album of the last 25 years:

1 - Nevermind, Nirvana, 1991

Longing For A Cuba That Wasn't

Now that the presidential general election has arrived (in a de facto sense, at least), American eyes again turn toward that mightiest of swing states, Florida. And the saber-rattling toward Castro's Cuba is sure to ratchet upward.

For many South Floridians of Cuban descent, this is a sacred political cow. And understandably so; those who were pushed from their privileged status by Fidel Castro's revolution, as well as their progeny, can reasonably be expected to harbor animosity toward the current Cuban regime.

But why must this parochial concern be a fulcrum of U.S. presidential politics? Because of the vagaries of our electoral process, of course, in which small constituencies in key states often take on far greater significance than they otherwise would (or should) be accorded. And because conservatives in this country have seized upon this narrow issue (along with the four Gs*) as part of their divide-and-conquer strategy.

(*The four Gs, if you're wondering, are: God, Gays, Guns and Gynecology.)

So we get conservative pundits and politicians talking about the good old days in Cuba, and about how those days must be returned. About the necessity of maintaining our Cuban embargo as long as a Castro is in charge. (And this despite our current engagement with such characters as Pervez Musharraf, Hosni Mubarak, Hu Jintao, King Abdullah, and the list goes on...)

All of this in the name of a lie.

See, if you're not familiar with Cuban life under Fulgencio Batista, Castro's predecessor, then do a little research; it was not a pretty thing. In Batista's Cuba, poverty and illiteracy were rampant, especially among the nonwhite population. Health care was of third-world quality. The disparity of wealth distribution was obscene. Violent political repression was commonplace. The island was a haven for Mafia kingpins and drug runners. And it was all done with the active support of the U.S. government and American corporations. (Gosh, why would Castro have any hostility toward us?)

And so, the next time some Republican scumbag tries to lecture you about the impossibility of engagement with Castro's Cuba, just remember: They are selling you a vision of a Cuba that never was.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

"All Men Are Created Equal," Wrote A Slave Owner

There was an interesting discussion Wednesday on NPR's Talk Of The Nation, looking at the African-American experience and its effects upon black views of patriotism. This conversation was spurred by Michelle Obama's comments earlier this year concerning her feelings about her country, and the negative (and often over-the-top and oblivious) reaction to those comments.

In the end, of course, this is about the great elephant in the American living room: Our inability, even now, to reasonably reconcile the nation's racial history with what we'd like to believe about ourselves. An awfully large number of the white folk that I know want nothing more than to believe that it's all in the past, that the page has turned and we have entered into a "post-racial" era. That that was then, this is now, and nothing more need be said.

But pretending that there is no problem is not the same thing as finding some solution to the problem -- and there clearly is still a problem, judging by black poverty and incarceration statistics, among many other things.

And so Wednesday I found myself driving across Northeastern Iowa, listening to this thoughtful discussion, thinking very soberly about race in America, and occasionally wiping tears from the corners of my eyes. And, most of all, wondering what I can do. In the end, after all, I'm just an ordinary guy, without power or position.

Compounding my feeling of helplessness is my own family history. My father's family, according to my wife's genealogical efforts, appears to have lived in the antebellum South (though it's unclear whether it was in any way connected to slave ownership or trade), and I am told that my paternal grandfather was a member of the Ku Klux Klan. How does one even begin to make up for such a background?

I decided, trite though it may seem, that one can merely do what one can do. I cannot change the past. But I can change my own reality here in the present, in the hope that it will positively impact the future. I can work to improve myself, to recognize and eradicate the small prejudices that I might still harbor. I can continue trying to raise my children to see persons for who they are, not what they are. I can have the courage speak up when I see injustice, and to confront those who are unenlightened or cynical enough to use race divisively. I can support policies and politicians that work toward a more just society.

And, perhaps most importantly (and most difficult in these times), I can keep my faith. I can believe that we, as a nation, will continue to move forward, toward the society that we want to be. That I want us to be. That we can be, if we dare.