The MILF Speaks! Republicans Hear What They Want To.

Listening to Sarah Palin speak Wednesday night at the RNC, I couldn't help but be unimpressed. Her speech said essentially nothing, and certainly nothing new; it was just the same old cultural warfare, decrying us "elites" who believe in crazy notions like evolution and gravity. A couple of convenient lies, some snarkiness, but no substance. No policy. Nothing.

Others, though, seemed much more impressed. In part, this is probably because I always listen to speeches, rather than watch them; I do not wish to be distracted by empty images when I could actually be hearing the words. So, while most people were immersing themselves in Palin's warm MILFiness (and, doubtless, seeing the TV cut to adoring looks from the party faithful), I was left with her tired phrases, delivered in that high-pitched, nasal Alaskan whine.

But there is more to it than just imagery. In post-speech interviews, party delegates were utterly, over-the-top effusive in their praise, some even calling her the next Ronald Reagan. So why this wide gap between my perceptions and theirs? The answer, I feel, lies in what Sarah Palin is not.

You see, each of John McCain's other potential running mates was, to a greater or lesser degree, more of a known commodity. And each had some potential difficulty looming with one or another of the GOP's core factions. Palin, by contrast, is not burdened with much of a national reputation. She is a blank canvas upon which Republicans of every stripe can project all of their fondest hopes and dreams. And that is just what they're doing.

Now, in order to be elected, all McCain and Palin need to do is keep us (and especially the press) distracted for the next two months with red herrings -- you know, stuff like endless discussions of pregnant teenage daughters -- and we'll never have to think about pesky things like her record, nor who she really is.